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Friday, April 10, 2009

12 Weeks

Here are the 12 week photos. I have not really noticed any improvements in the last 4 weeks, and my nerve pain is slowly returning too. I have still not heard from the pain clinic either. I see the ortho specialists again next friday, so I will raise my concerns again. And I will hopefully be booked in for surgery as well. I am learning to not get my hopes up though.

I am really starting to have a hard time with all this. I never thought a break could be this problematic. Some days are better than others, but I don't really feel like going out at all anymore, and would rather just stay in bed and not be a burden to everyone. I am working, so at least I have that to keep my mind occupied too.

For the first 10 weeks I was fine to let things like cleaning slide, but I am now starting to get very frustrated. There are so many things I cannot do, and the rest Adam helps with, but he's also busy working, and helping me, and between the two of us, it's been really hard to keep a tidy house. For me, it's the grime and dirt that bother me. I don't care so much if there are clothes on the floor, but the salt spray is starting to coat everything, and I guess I've always managed to keep the grime under control with my regular cleaning. I tend to do a little bit of spring cleaning whenever I clean up in general. So things like cupboards, windows and drawers get a cleaning and an organizing more than once a year. The last time I cleaned properly was before Christmas. And living this close to the beach, a cleaning every 4 months is not sufficient.

Then there is the fact that everything I do is an effort. And I have to ask for help all the time. No one likes to feel helpless, and I feel like I am 5 years old again. Everything I do takes longer, makes a bigger mess, and frustrates me. I am constantly running over my toes, and bumping into walls, and trying to maneuver around cupboard doors and my strategically placed chairs with my wheelchair. I am constantly spilling things in my lap, because I can't get out of the way when I drop something. I get splashed in the face whenever I do dishes or make dinner because I am eye level to the sink. It's so GROSS. I save having showers until after dinner now, since I make such a mess. It's amazing how much harder it is to prepare things at eye level. I do stand whenever I can though. Also, while I am on a rant, you would never believe how sweaty wheelchairs are! Try doing some weights while sitting on a vinyl chair with sides in 28 degree C with humidity, and you'll know what I mean.

I really hope I can get back to it soon. This was old weeks ago, and it's just getting that much more frustrating as the days go on.