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Friday, May 29, 2009

19 Weeks

The crutches are gone now. I returned them this week at physio. And it felt great! I am now pretty much doing all normal house-hold activities. My strategically placed chairs (in the bathroom, the kitchen, the shower, etc, placed for kneeling on) are all put back to their normal places. I can now put away laundry all by myself. I can now go get the meat out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. I can now put away the clean dishes at a normal pace, and not get hung up on the cupboard handles with the wheelchair. It feels so good to be independent again.

I am sewing again, and being creative again, and I love it. I didn't realize how much I missed everything, but now I remember why not having a tv has never left me bored. (Maybe you're confused, but we live above a garage, and all my sewing & craft related things are in the garage - so is the freezer!) Everything has been difficult to get to, and I was so sick of getting Adam to do everything for me, so I decided to wait until I could do things myself, ie, being able to carry things and walk downstairs to the garage to do my crafty thingies.

But despite all the goodness, and feelings of normal (I even had a dream this week where I went for a jog!) this week has been the slowest in recovery. I am so sore and achy, and was quite swollen this week. The nerve pain is still there, and hitting me in more random ways, not mainly at night anymore, but throughout the day. I don't think it's getting worse though, but it's definitely not getting better. I didn't go for walks everyday this week either, since I think standing, and doing chores was too much already. I'm finding it hard to just say to myself that I need a break, since it feels so good to be up and about.

I am having a hard time being patient. Being so close to the "finish line", but still being so far off at the same time is incredibly frustrating. I've been feeling a bit scared too, and had a rough day yesterday. I'm scared that this nerve pain will never go away (that can happen), and that I will always feel like I am wearing a ski boot, that I won't be able to go on a hike again, or go for a run on the beach. I'm just a bit scared.

There is still such a distance to go yet. Here is my progress photo. I touched the wall this week at physio, and my goal is to keep this level up for next week. I feel a little less ski-boot-ish, but it still feels as though I am flexing in a way that I shouldn't be allowed to. It's quite painful to push this position.

I cant wait for this to be over. I just want to be normal again.

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